


drowing in your shallow love

by callieincali



Category: Mary Kills People (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Season 2, idk how there are no fics for this fandom, take ur hate elsewhere, this is a naomi-love zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 18:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15846606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callieincali/pseuds/callieincali
Summary: fill-in scene for after jess leaves naomi on the island





	drowing in your shallow love

**Author's Note:**

> first fic in the fandom whaddup
> 
> this is lowkey plotless but i wanted to write it anyway bc i love naomi so much and writing from her pov is so fun
> 
> all thoughts in this are naomi’s alone and i don’t necessarily share them with her ps
> 
> enjoy!

Naomi followed the head of dark brown, nearly black with lake water, as it bobbed up and down in the water, each repetition shrinking it until just the ripples left in its wake were visible from the shore where she stood.

Her toes itched under the rough sand. She couldn’t bring herself to remedy it, her attention elsewhere because in a matter of minutes Jess would disappear around the natural curve of the lake, and what happened past then could only be left to Naomi’s imagination.

Her only comfort was that Jess had been on the swim team a few years back. She came in fourth place at the state championship— Naomi remembered waiting by the locker rooms after, assuming her best friend could use some cheering up, but when Jess appeared from behind the doors, skin tight bathing suit filling Naomi with some quiet sense of awe, she already had two girls, teammates Naomi recognized, hugging her shoulders. They were all laughing, chanting some cheer Naomi didn’t know, and even as Jess joined them, looking slightly out of place and awkward among their enthusiasm, not a hint of disappointment lingered in her features. Jess spared Naomi nothing more than an acknowledging glance before she hurried off, arm in arm, chanting that stupid cheer. Naomi watched them leave, heads bobbing in rhythm with their steps.

She blinked the scene and its relevance from her eyes, honing in again on Jess, so far in the water, her dark hair could have been mistaken for a jumping fish.

Naomi knew Jess’ experience with swimming would ensure she made it safely back to Nicole’s, or at least she told herself so to stop the ‘what ifs’ from taking over her thoughts. Despite her mental reassurance, the ripples growing lost behind the overgrown trees hugging the curve set her heart beating quicker.

Tears threatened to make an appearance for the second time since Nicole had dropped them off, but she managed to hold them back, pulling a round rock from the sand for the sake of busying herself in the unknown length of time she would be stranded there. She tossed one and picked up another.

She couldn’t skip rocks like Jess could.

And had it been any other day, Jess would have been beside her, well meaning laughs punctuating every one of Naomi’s failed attempts at doing anything other than just sending the rock plunging into the murky water, no skips preceding. Jess would offer advice, the same few variations Naomi had grown used to hearing for years, and none of the critiques would help, but by that time, Naomi would be laughing, too, even with frustration beginning to spark in her chest. But, of course, Jess would notice her mild annoyance and wrap and arm around her, gripping her wrist and imitating the necessary motion over and over until the rhythm should have stuck, had Naomi’s mind not been elsewhere, captivated by the girl’s chest against her back, too comfortable in the embrace to focus on Jess’ whispered direction.

Naomi flung the second stone into the lake with a groan, not even surprised when it sunk immediately to the bottom of the water.

“Do you want to be with me?” Jess had asked, no trace of sincerity in the words. It hadn’t been a question that wanted an answer. It was the kind that people asked when they already knew the answer but needed some hesitant silence to speak it for them. But Naomi responded anyway, with a reply just as telling, before the quiet could do it for her.

“I don’t know.” It was the truth, for once, and it scared Naomi how quickly she came to it. Not a yes, but not a no either, and it was the latter that made her stomach sour with fear. 

She answered with silence eventually, when the word ‘girlfriend’ came up in conversation and stole any words she thought she had ready to say.

Jess got the unspoken ‘no’ she wanted, and Naomi got the easy exit from having to discuss her real feelings, the ones that lived so deep inside her she seldom saw them herself.

Tears stung Naomi’s eyes as she played through the ending of that conversation until it drew the tears down her cheeks. She was all too aware of the flash drive in her pocket, the video that, no matter when Jess saw it, would ruin every last bit of sanity the girl had left in her life.

Keeping it from her was the right thing to do and Naomi almost certainly knew that, but with each memory blinking past her eyes— meeting Heather, watching Jess grow close to her, noticing the way the two went off on their own most days, leaving Naomi behind until she was less of a third wheel and more of a spare tire— the question of how much she truly owed the girl anymore blared loudly at the forefront of her mind. And after the party, Naomi was sure their friendship had just about hit rock bottom, so what was really wrong with setting fire to the place while they were down there?

There was no way for Jess to know the service it was to keep the flash drive hidden from her. Not until she knew what was on it.

But even the thought of what the information would do to Jess was enough to deter her decision. Even if they spent every day fighting, Jess was still her best friend— her only friend— and losing that because of a video file wasn’t something Naomi was keen on doing.

It was an hour later when the familiar motor engine brought Nicole’s boat speeding around the lake’s curve.

Naomi could have swam back in that hour, she supposed, but her stubborn ways (and slight fear that her inexperience would send her sinking similar to the stones she’d been throwing) kept her on the sand, salty tears intermittently making their way down her face.

She was almost relieved to find Nicole alone in the boat, even if the scowl on her face probably meant there would be some lecture she wasn’t in the mood to hear.

“Get in, kid.” The engine rumbled to a stop as the boat found temporary anchorage on the sloping sand.

“Where’s Jess?” Naomi asked as soon as Nicole was in earshot. Her heart ached in anticipation for the answer, hoping with everything inside her that Nicole wouldn’t say something along the lines of ‘I thought she was with you’.

“At the house, making lunch. She’s been back for a little while now.”

Naomi rolled her eyes. 

“Nice of you to finally remember the _other_ kid you left _alone_ on an island.” Naomi gathered the unused life jackets, being sure to collect Jess’ thrown jeans and hugging them against her chest as she stepped clumsily onto the rocking boat. She threw down the life jackets but sat the pants in her lap as she took a seat. 

The engine revved once more, and the boat started down the lake.

“Jess didn’t have much to say, but I’m guessing you two didn’t sort anything out?” Nicole’s dark hair curled and twisted around itself in the wind, her contrasting light eyes sparing quick, careful glances at Naomi as if she expected the girl to jump overboard any second.

“Kinda hard to when she swam off before I could get two words in,” Naomi muttered, her eyes burning all over again as she remembered Jess swimming off, leaving her behind as if she didn’t care what happened to Naomi out there— _because_ she didn’t care what happened to Naomi out there.

“You know, Mary and I used to get into fights like that. One of us would refuse to talk to the other for days. But eventually we would always break and come back together, even if nothing was solved or fixed.” Nicole’s voice was calming, even as the words set Naomi on edge. Because that’s how sisters were, they had to love each other no matter what. But friends could leave, and Naomi had surely done enough to warrant Jess leaving.

“Don’t think that’s one of those situations considering I fucked up just about everything left of our friendship.” She straightened Jess’ jeans, pulling the legs right-side-in and flattening them against her knee. The words threatened to fill her eyes with tears, but she hurriedly cleared her throat and looked to Nicole expectantly.

“I don’t doubt that you did,” Nicole muttered dryly. Naomi’s face fell at that. She’d known it since the party, but hearing someone agree made the truth sting a little extra in that moment. She dropped her gaze back to the denim, telling herself she wouldn’t look up again for the duration of the trip if she could help it. 

Naomi had cried only a few times in front of Jess, all of which over stupid reasons that felt distant and insignificant with years separating them. But she remembered one above all the others: the summer of eighth grade year, Naomi’s middle school boyfriend had broken up with her— they were going to different high schools and he ‘didn’t like the distance’. She looked back now and cared very little about the boy or his choice to leave her, but what stuck out was the part where Jess was in her room, holding her close and promising she was better than that boy, that there were plenty of people for her in high school and anyone who didn’t want her was an idiot. Naomi’s head was on Jess’ shoulder, cries hiccuping in her chest and streaking heavy tears down her face.

“Promise you’ll always be my friend?” Naomi had asked, voice muffled through the stuffiness of her nose. Jess pushed away at that, and for a moment Naomi was offended, until the taller girl grabbed her by the shoulder and tilted her chin up to lock their gazes.

“Naomi, I— you’re my best friend,” she said, eyes full of sincerity. She pulled Naomi back against her, and the two wrapped their arms around one another, Naomi crying softly and Jess hushing her. “Nothing’s ever gonna change that, I promise.”

Naomi’s heart swelled, and the tears came faster, for a different reason altogether. She squeezed Jess tighter, knowing that letting go would shift the moment from present to past, and wanting to live in it a little longer.

She felt Jess grow closer still, until her lips came to rest on Naomi’s forehead, warm and soft but inexperienced, and stopping Naomi’s tears momentarily, mostly in shock towards the gesture. She pulled away slightly, bringing her brown eyes back to Jess’ and tilting her head, a question in the stare. But Jess only smiled awkwardly and kissed her forehead again, as if the repetition could make it any less unusual.

Naomi only smiled back, because it was all the confusion would allow, but her mind swam with questions of whether or not she had been missing something that was right in front of her— something that had been between her and Jess for quite some time.

“She likes you, y’know,” Nicole broke the silence with the observation as if she could tell what Naomi had been thinking. 

Naomi looked up despite her previous decision not to, narrowing her eyes at the black-haired woman. “Yeah, no shit.”

Most adults would have glared right back at the profanity and disrespect, but Nicole’s features stayed rooted in neutrality.

“And you like her, too?” Nicole continued, unfazed by Naomi’s attitude.

A silence swelled between them, just long enough to be deemed uncomfortable and tighten Naomi’s chest as she struggled for any words to answer the question. Her whole body buzzed with panic, and for a moment she thought she might jump over the edge, just to escape the conversation.

“Yeah, as a friend,” she managed, somehow maintaining an air of nonchalance. There was a lilt to the response, one that made it blur the line between doubt and certainty. Nicole must have noticed that hesitation because her lips curved minutely at the response, head nodding in feigned belief.

“As a friend,” Nicole repeated in emphasis. Naomi felt her cheeks begin to heat.

A minute of silence passed before Naomi spoke again.

“Doesn’t matter anymore, though. She’s got Heather, now.” She propped her elbows on her knees and dropped her chin to her hands, forcing the words through somewhat gritted teeth.

 _“You’re my best friend. Nothing’s ever gonna change that, I promise.”_ The words rang loud between her ears, leaving a hollowness in their wake. She was, again, very much aware of the flash drive in her pocket as she let the memory play through her head over and over, each time like kindling to the hybrid flame of anger and betrayal behind her ribs.

That promise felt empty and meaningless now, as Nicole’s dock grew from a distant speck on the horizon.

She climbed from the boat as soon as they docked, folded jeans tucked under her arm, and hurried to the house before Nicole could call anything after her. Her hand found her face and wiped a tear she hadn’t known was there from her cheek. She forced a steadying breath to prevent any others from slipping past.

Jess was in the kitchen but neither girl acknowledged the other as they passed, Naomi heading straight for Jess’ room and tossing the messily folded jeans to the girl’s bed.

The thought of tucking the green flash drive under the fabric briefly crossed her mind— it would leave the choice of watching it to Jess— but she left the room before she could decide, returning to the kitchen just as Jess had started to leave, a plate of food in hand. She stopped at the sight of Naomi, her features void of emotion, eyes empty as she nodded towards the counter.

“I made you a sandwich,” was all she said before taking her own food to the deck chairs outside, shutting the sliding glass door behind her.

Naomi’s chest tugged as she took a seat at the bar, pulling the sandwich in front of her. Her stomach was falsely full from the turmoil of the day, but she ate the sandwich anyway, clinging to the gesture and implications it held.

She ate alone and in silence, but the flame inside her dulled to embers. And at least in that moment, she thought maybe Jess’ promises weren’t as meaningless as they had begun to seem.

**Author's Note:**

> their friendship dynamic is so interesting and honestly i already wanna write more of it so,, stay tuned
> 
> comments and kudos are v much appreciated 
> 
> i’m @bestbltches on twitter if u wanna yell at me there
> 
> thanks for reading!


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